Back for week 2 of "Clayton Picks All the Games Correctly."
I may have gotten the SMU one wrong, but I knew that Johnny Manziel was going to lead the Aggies to a big win over Arizona State.
Week 1 Record : 11-4
Season to date: 11-4
- Temple (1-0) at Cincinnati (1-0): Man, this one looks a lot tougher all of a sudden. We all know that Temple's defense looked like the '85 Bears against us last November. Who knew they were going to style and profile all over Penn State, sacking America's Sweetheart, Christian Hackenberg, ten times in a decisive Saturday afternoon victory? This master prognosticator sure didn't. We've got this one though. We've got a lot more offensive firepower than the Nittany Lions. It may be close and it may be ugly, but we will win.
I figure that John Cheney will say something crazy about Tommy Tuberville during the week which will ensure that our guys are all fired up by the time that kickoff rolls around.
Final Score: Cincinnati 22, Temple 10
Upset of the Week:
- South Florida (1-0) at #10 Florida State (1-0): Bulls on Parade.
Final Score: USF 48, Florida State 0
The Rest of the AAC:
- Miami (1-0) at Florida Atlantic (0-1): There is never a good excuse to wear shorts, sandals, or a polo shirt to Mass. Even if it's a Saturday Mass. Even if it is during the Summer. Even if it's being celebrated in the summer in the state of Florida. Saturday is for college football. Sunday morning is for Mass. On an unrelated note, Miami coach Al Golden seems like a really great guy to me. I wish him well. I plan to send him an edible arrangement to celebrate the Hurricanes' victory over Florida Atlantic.
Final Score: Miami 38, Florida Atlantic 7
- Houston (1-0) at Louisville (0-1): I am planning to go to Tecmo XI, "Apocalipps Now" in Madison, Wisconsin. I think I can win the 248 player Tecmo Super Bowl tournament with the arm strength of Steve Grogan and the fancy footwork of John Stephens. The 1991 New England Patriots are the secret power of Tecmo Super Bowl. To practice for Tecmo XI, I played as the New England Patriots against the Houston Oilers. I used my New England-Houston game as a computer projection model for this week's University of Houston-Louisville game. The Patriots wear red so they get to be Louisville. Houston, of course, gets to be Houston. Houston has Warren Moon, Ernest Givens, and Lorenzo White. The Patriots don't. Look for Warren Moon to throw 5 touchdowns this week against Louisville.
Final Score: Houston 42, Louisville 38
- Army (0-1) at UConn (1-0): Even if Bob Diaco did nothing but make Keith Richards' faces, he would still be a hunk. Even though they lost, I liked what I saw from Army's offense against Fordham last week in the "Colleges Vince Lombardi Coached or Played at Bowl." Look for Army's senior tight end Kelvin White to have a breakout game against UConn's porous secondary.
Final Score: Army 31, UConn 28
- Memphis (1-0) at Kansas (0-1): If former KU coach Charlie Weis and I ever met for breakfast, I bet the two of us could polish off a dozen Costco muffins and two blocks of Philadelphia cream cheese without any trouble. Anyone who complains about modern technology's generally negative social consequences is discounting the tangible quality of life improvements that cream-cheese-in-a-tub has made for millions of Americans.
Final Score: Memphis 35, Kansas 34
- Tulsa (1-0) at New Mexico (1-0): The final scenes of Roadhouse and Scarface are quite similar. The primary difference I can see is that the finale to Roadhouse is slightly more egalitarian. Everyone in town seems to get a crack at Ben Gazzara.
Final Score: Tulsa 13, New Mexico 9
- UCF (0-1) at # 22 Stanford (0-1): George O'Leary is going to have his Golden Knights ready to play this week. No repeats of their no-show last week against the Fashion Institute of Utah (FIU). That "six-man I-formation" they ran really screwed ol' George up. The tailback would leap frog four fullbacks all the way to the quarterback and take the handoff, scoring every single time. UCF will not win though. Stanford is just too strong a force. Stanford College President John L. Hennessy is appreciably handsomer than UCF President John Hitt.
Final Score: Stanford 21, UCF 20
- Tulane (0-1) at #16 Georgia Tech: (1-0): If MIT is the Georgia Tech of the North, then Tulane needs to think of some snappy, t-shirt worthy comparison to a notable New England college if they ever want me to pick them against the Yellow Jackets again. I called my brother for his advice on picking this game and he went with Tulane, but that is primarily because of Abita and their delicious raspberry beer. I've never been to New Orleans, but he says people there drink smoothies in public all the time. Everyone in town must be really healthy.
Final Score: Georgia Tech 45, Tulane 0
- North Texas (0-0) at SMU (0-1):. You gotta admit that SMU looked pretty damn good in the first half against the Fort Worth Pattersons. Matt Davis is going to light up North Texas for 200 rushing yards. Taylor Lasecki and the rest of the Mustangs offensive line is going to push the Mean Green around something fierce. I wouldn't want to be North Texas this week.
Final Score: SMU 38, North Texas 31
The Rest of the Country:
- #19 Oklahoma (1-0) at #25 Tennessee (1-0): In a college football playoff preview, Tennessee will outscore the Sooners thanks to the fleet footwork, passing acumen, and leadership of Joshua Dobbs.
Mark this one down as his Heisman coming-out party.
Final Score: Tennessee 45, Oklahoma 41
- #7 Oregon (1-0) at #5 Michigan State (1-0): The Oregon Duck rubs me the wrong way. Sparty, on the other hand, is a top-shelf mascot. He has a physique like "The One Man Thrill Ride," America's Greatest Professional Wrestler. It is obvious that Sparty holds the chee when he eats his Scrambies. Also, Judging from Week 1, Oregon forgot how to play defense in the off-season.
Final Score: Michigan State 38, Oregon 24
- #22 Arizona (1-0) at Nevada (1-0): Rich Rod can nae nae and whip with equal proficiency. His stanky leg and bop require some work before and after practice. Rich Rod painted his home in Ann Arbor the color of Pepto Bismol. That is my favorite color. I am a little concerned about Scooby Wright's injury, but I fully anticipate Rich Rod coaching ‘em up after their subpar performance last week against Tim Riggins State.
Final Score: Arizona 56, Nevada 14
- #13 UCLA (1-0) at UNLV (Couldn't find it): I think the Bruins are going to win the "Schools Clayton Didn't Get Into Bowl."
Final Score: UCLA 21, UNLV 20