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The Crosstown Shootout vs. Marvel's Civil War

A little movie called Captain American: Civil War hits theaters today. We here at DTD know a little something about clashes of supposed brethren with massive implications.

Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

Its cute really.

Marvel thinks the rivalry between billionaire, philanthropist, playboy Robert Dow...I mean Tony Stark aka Iron Man and Steve Rogers aka Captain America is worthy of being called a Civil War. In the Queen City, we have a little thing called the Crosstown Shootout that makes the battle between a bunch of dorks punching each other around look like a nursery school record recital.

The Avengers have the Battle of Manhattan. We have the The Brawl. Captain America 's shield can stand up to Thor's hammer. Cincinnati's defense is impenetrable. Iron Man created an evil, self aware operating system/robot (not sure on the science behind Ultron). Xavier exists. Anything Marvel's heroes can do, the Crosstown Shootout can do better. Now, let's pretend we live in a world where Marvel would cast its Civil War using only players from the Crosstown Shootout cinematic universe. With my casting director hat on, here's what I'd go with.

Troy Caupain - Captain America

The leader and the pillar of justice and the Bearcatian way, Caupain is the captain of the rag-tag group of renegades known as the Cincinnati Bearcats. Many wonder how Captain America works with the Avengers. The Hulk can defeat large electronic centipede behemoths with his fists. Iron Man can fly and shoot laser beams out of his palms. Thor has this dope hammer nobody can lift. Well, Cap's contribution is in the leadership column. He keeps everyone together, makes sure Hawkeye knows where to shoot his arrows and how to keep the people safe from the chaos. That's what Caupain is. He is the alpha dog. The man that runs the offense. He takes the shots when no one else wants to and now, as a senior, he will leaned on even more.

Trevon Bluiett - Iron Man

Everyone likes him. He's the flashier guy with the X (arc reactor) on his chest. He wins things like All-Big East First Team honors. If you are looking for the Stark to Caupain's Rogers, its Bluiett. He is the star for the other side of this city and the battle between these two in the coming year will be one for the ages.

Kyle Washington - Bucky Barnes/The Winder Solider

He comes from a different place and is an unfamiliar foe for Bluiett and his Avengers, I mean Musketeers. Washington came to Cincinnati from NC State. He sat on the sidelines last year waiting for his chance to get in the fray and now he is ready to take center stage.

Gary Clark - Falcon

Did you know that Gary Clark can fly? OK, maybe he can't actually, but the way he grabs rebounds and flies in to block shots it sure seems like he can. A confidant of Caupain America, Clark is a loyal Bearcat and will ride to the end against the evil intentions of the Musketeers.

Myles Davis - War Machine

Don Cheadle would be an interesting choice to play Davis in the Myles Davis biopic. War Machine is Iron Man's friend and right-hand man and Davis is the quiet sidekick for Bluiett. A willing passer, strong defender and no-nonsense competitor, he might not be on the cover of the movie poster, but Xavier wouldn't be where it is without him.

Jacob Evans - Ant Man

When the ads for Ant Man first came out I remember thinking, here it is, this is Marvel's first misstep. Nope. It was just a fun movie that brought in a talented newcomer that does stuff other Marvel characters don't while still buying into the culture the comic publisher/money printer has worked so hard to create. Evans stepped in big in his first season, when expectations were that it would take a year or more to get him up to speed. A different type of Cincinnati player, with more talent on offense than defense, he played in crunch time down the stretch and showed an ability to defend at a much higher level than expected. No word yet on if he can change sizes.

Edmond Sumner - Spiderman

Another newcomer, but one that people pay a lot more attention to. If it weren't for Henry Ellenson, Sumner very well could have been the Big East Freshman of the Year this past season. No word yet on if he will take off his mask and reveal that he is a dorky teenager with glasses masquerading as a man who was bitten by a radioactive spider.