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Casting the Luke Fickell Biopic

Because there will be one.

Penn State v Ohio State Photo by Kirk Irwin/Getty Images

If you consumed today’s Bearcats Box Lunch, you might have noticed that CBS Sports did a kind of neat thing, picking actors to play some of college football’s best coaches. That got me thinking...

One day, after bringing the Cincinnati Bearcats to the promised land of a national title, or just a Power Five invite, Luke Fickell will be a household name in America. He’ll be mentioned in the same whispered tones as Muhammad Ali, Abraham Lincoln and Johnny Cash. And what do those three (and others) have in common? They had a movie made about their lives.

In the hopes of easing the responsibility of casting such an important picture in American film history, I have compiled the cast for the Luke Fickell biopic. Current actors will be used since I assume by the time this movie comes out time travel will be invented.

Beyond Sport United - Workshops & Panels Photo by D Dipasupil/Getty Images

Jim Caviezel stars as Luke Fickell

This isn’t just a “he kind of, sort of, almost looks like him” thing either. Caviezel has tackled some pretty major roles in some critically acclaimed films. But he also has the chops to play a football coach as he showed in “When the Game Stands Tall.” Plus he was in “Person of Interest” which is a show that had five seasons. I don’t really know how, but it did.

WCRF's 'An Unforgettable Evening' Presented By Saks Fifth Avenue - Arrivals Photo by Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images

With Tom Hanks as Mike Bohn

Just watched “Bridge of Spies” over the weekend and the Hanks man did it again. Another solid flick. Hanks has played a leader of men in “Saving Private Ryan” and is just the man to play UC’s leader, although I think Hanks’ approval rating is probably a bit higher than Bohn’s.

Fox Searchlight Pictures With The Cinema Society Host A Screening Of 'Demolition' - Arrivals Photo by Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images

And Chris Cooper as Tommy Tuberville

You may not know him right away, but he’s one of those quintessential “I recognize him” actor because he has been in everything. A head coach on his way out seems right in his wheelhouse. I’d expect a best supporting actor nod just for his work in the tense scene following a loss to BYU when he gets angry at a fan.

Steven Tyler...Out On A Limb Benefit Concert Photo by Ben Gabbe/Getty Images

Featuring Bruce Willis as Mick Cronin

What movie about Cincinnati athletics in 2017 would be complete without Cronin? None. That’s what. Willis may be a little tall, but if they could make Elijah Wood look two feet shorter than Sir Ian McKellen in “Lord of the Rings,” I think we can make it work. We’ll certainly have the technology since I’m anticipating a huge budget for this blockbuster film.

Directed by Christopher Nolan

Because I would voluntarily watch a McDonald’s commercial more than once if Nolan directed it. Plus that would mean we could probably get Hans Zimmer to do the score.

Movie studios, you may begin green lighting this now.