Give me another 10 minutes of your time.
I, the Miss Cleo of College Football, have looked up into the heavens and learned what is going to happen this season in the SEC and the independents. Additionally, I have some thoughts on the College Football Playoff.
Championship Game: Hey Bulldogs! We Just Beat the Hell Out of You…
1. Georgia: The Bulldogs are a team full of somebodies. They’ve got an experienced game manager at quarterback in Jacob Eason. They’ve got an all-world running back in Nick Chubb. They’ve got a mean, multi-headed pass rush and an offensive line full of world-beaters. This will be a fun year in Athens.
2. Tennessee: Does Butch Jones have a little heat? Sure. His seat will be cool after an excellent 2017. This team is laden with all of the talent Jones has recruited over the past four years. Wide receiver Jauan Jennings will emerge as a star in 2017. Running back John Kelly will become a 1,000 yard back behind the Vols’ solid offensive line. Tennessee’s primary problem will be generating a pass rush with the losses of Derek Barnett and Corey Vereen.
3. Florida: I thought the Florida Gators-themed guitar that Tom Petty had in that Peter Bogdonavich documentary looked pretty rad.
4. Missouri: Barry Odom is shaping things up after a tough couple of seasons in Columbia. Expect running back Damarea Crockett to lead the Tigers back to the bowl season.
5. Vanderbilt: Lost a lot of talent from the 2016 team. Stuck in Fiveandsevendom.
6. Kentucky: They’ve got a mess of good receivers, but that defense of theirs is still rough.
7. South Carolina: Will Muschamp is losing his boyish good looks awful fast.
1. Alabama: As talented as ever, Alabama is led by a veteran starting quarterback for the first time in several years. Expect sophomore Jalen Hurts to make great use of the weapons that surround him, most notably Calvin Ridley, Bo Scarborough and Damien Harris. On defense, the front seven is loaded with studs, including junior nose tackle Da’Ron Payne and senior linebacker Shaun Dion Hamilton. The Crimson Tide’s secondary includes a pair of likely All-Americans at safety: Ronnie Harrison and Minkah Fitzpatrick. Simply the best team in college football.
2. LSU: Running back Darren Guice averages more yards per carry than UConn’s offense does per game.
3. Arkansas: The Razorbacks will score a lot of points. Quarterback Austin Allen is one of the SEC’s best. Rawleigh Williams III will be running behind a tenacious offensive line. Will the new 3-4 defense being installed by new coordinator Paul Rhoads help them keep a few more offenses in check? I am skeptical.
4. Texas A&M: Kevin Sumlin’s team this year is so Sumlinesque its hard to put it into words. So I won’t.
5. Mississippi State: Trips to Athens, College Station, Auburn and Fayetteville will make this a long season in Bulldog country.
6. Ole Miss: Not that Ole in fact. This is a young team who will have a hard time maintaining focus amid all the drama this fall in Oxford.
7. Auburn: Hop on the bus, Gus.
1. Notre Dame: A veteran team that could well end up with double-digit wins. The Irish’s excellent offensive line will make Josh Adams a star. Tough schedule as always. Lots of observers are bullish on new quarterback Brandon Wimbush.
2. Army: Still in rebuilding mode.
3. BYU: Meh.
4. UMass: This may be their last year in FBS. Too bad. At least they aren’t UConn.
Playoff Teams: Alabama, Kansas State, Miami, Penn State
National Title Game: Alabama 42 Kansas State 24
Heisman Trophy: Bo Scarborough, Alabama
Coach of the Year: Charlie Strong, USF
As always, this is a work of parody and not intended to be taken seriously. For more of the same, look me up on twitter: @ClaytonTrutor