Interesting matchup this Thursday evening on ESPN.
Texas (1-2) at Iowa State (2-1): A couple weeks back, I wrote about how the riff from Jethro Tull’s “Aqualung” was the only thing I knew how to play on guitar.
One of my esteemed readers, who just so happens to be a fan of the sides at Longhorn Steakhouse, told me about his experience as a bassist.
“Christmas 1993. My grandfather bought me a bass guitar right out of the Sears catalog. In my stocking, I got a VHS cassette tape of “The Doors,” that Oliver Stone movie where Val Kilmer makes friends in the desert.
I watched “The Doors” three times in a row that evening with my cousin Reggie, who came over for crockpot cocktail weenies after he got coal in his stocking.
Cousin Reggie had spray-painted AmWay on the side of his mom’s Chrysler LaBaron and Santa had decided to send him a message.
Cousin Reggie loved the Doors. He knew how to play the opening bass riff to “Break on Through” and he taught it to me. I learned it perfect but I didn’t learn anything else on my bass. I was too busy watching the Doors and learning how to be a vampire from Val Kilmer’s lady writer friend with the mullet.
What I didn’t know about the bass didn’t stop me from signing up for my high school’s cabaret night. I dressed up like Count Chocula and brought my electric bass out on stage that night unplugged. I wanted my sound to be more authentic, more real. I wanted to reinvent “Break on Through” for a new generation, just as Eric Clapton had with his acoustic version of “Layla” on “MTV Unplugged” the previous spring.
And I played the opening riff to “Break on Through” about a dozen times. And then the janitor used his long handled broom to shoo me off stage, Apollo Theatre style.
FINAL SCORE: Iowa State 38 Texas 24
As always, this is a work of parody and not intended to be taken seriously. For more of the same, follow me on Twitter: @ClaytonTrutor