Sometimes we forget that sports, including college basketball, are about having fun. So let’s have some fun. The Cincinnati Bearcats and the Georgia State Panthers are going to play in a very serious game of college basketball game on Friday, but I would also like to see famous alumni (non-basketball players only) from each school battle it out. The winner can take home the novelty mug of their choice from my cupboard. Let’s look at the teams.
PG - George Clooney
OK, so maybe Clooney only briefly attended UC, but he reportedly has shown a soft spot for the Bearcats in the past, and if he can direct an offense like he directed “Good Night, and Good Luck”, then this team will be a well-oiled machine.
SG - Kristen Haglund
2008’s Miss America finished her degree at Emory University, but she started at UC in the Conservatory of Music.
SF - Sandy Koufax
One of the greatest pitchers of all-time, the left-hander from Brooklyn won three Cy Young Awards, four World Series and was a seven-time All-Star. Maybe he can help UC create the uniforms.
PF - Matt Berninger
The front man for The National, Berninger would be able to write up a few songs to inspire the squad.
C - William Howard Taft
The 27th President of the United State would bring a whole new definition to the term “round mound of rebound.”
Bench - Nipsey Russell (comedian and game show panelist), Scott Devendorf (bassist for The National), Santa J. Ono (former UC president), Art Tripp (drummer for The Mothers of Invention), Eli Maimann (guitarist for Walk the Moon), Mark Edward Fischbach (aka Markiplier, YouTube personality), Al Hirt (famed trumpeter)
Coach - Urban Meyer
Meyer is obviously better suited as a football coach, but the former UC defensive back should be able to whip this crew into shape.
PG - Julia Roberts
Being the star of a movie is similar to being a point guard. You carry the bulk of the responsibility for how well your team/cast performs. Roberts is an Oscar-winning actress, so she should be just fine at the point.
SG - Wil Lutz
The kicker for the New Orleans Saints knows all about making field goals from long range. He hit four kicks from beyond 50 yards last season.
SF - Ludacris
A 17-time Grammy nominee and three-time winner, Luda can act and rap. Playing small forward shouldn’t be a problem.
PF - William Duvall
The matchup at power forward should be interesting as the current lead singer for Alice in Chains will battle for boards and studio time with Berninger.
C - Amy Dumas
Better known as WWE Hall of Fame wrestler Lita, Dumas would have what it takes to fight for rebounds and defend the paint.
Bench - Melissa Ordway (actress currently starring in “The Young and the Restless”), Coy Bowles (guitarist for the Zac Brown Band), Joey Cape (frontman for Lagwagon), Amber Nash (voice actress most famous for voicing Pam Poovey on “Archer”)
Coach - Kat Cole
The current group president of Focus Brands, which owns Cinnabon and Auntie Ann’s, Cole has already made huge strides in the corporate world. Why not add some basketball coaching?