Welcome back to the Down the Drive’s official rankings of college football uniforms. Yesterday Clayton and I went through our respective bottom 25s, which were based on unbiased and indisputable facts and not our own subjective opinions. Today we move to the next 25 (No. 105-81). Let’s go.
Clayton’s Next 25
105. Texas Tech: I believe a team wearing these same uniforms played Dillon in Season 1 of Friday Night Lights. They really shut down “Smash” Williams. I think it was the night that Grady Hunt was in the stands.
104. Iowa State: Decided some time ago that they wanted to look like Southern Cal. Cyclones, I served with Southern Cal. I knew Southern Cal. Southern Cal was my friend. Cyclones, you’re no Southern Cal.
103. Louisville: Every time Louisville comes onto the field, they either look like the losing team in a deodorant commercial or have 48 different designs going on at once in skintight Adidas uniforms that cut off their circulation.
102. Clemson: Clemson’s uniforms look like they are advertising something for sale in the pet food refrigerator at your local Kroger’s.
101. Arizona State: Preferred the demonic Walt Disney helmet to their current trident-covered garb.
100. Kansas State: The royal purple looks great, but the Thundercat on the helmet is a bit non-descript.
99. Michigan: That corny striped helmet of theirs looks like something Bo Schembechler stole from the set of Voltron.
98. Texas Christian: The Horned Frogs uniforms are just a Carmel DeLites box.
97. North Carolina State: I can never tell if I am looking at their logo backwards or not.
96. Auburn: Not a bad looking uniform. I just don’t like Auburn.
95. Syracuse: Otto the Orange has never looked healthy.
94. Virginia: The Cavaliers logo looks a bit like a mid-range frozen pizza box.
93. Arizona: As generic as an Old Navy t-shirt circa 2000 with random numbers on the front and back.
92. Baylor: Does not feature the bear prominently enough.
91. UTEP: About as good as a blue/orange juxtaposition can go, but their mascot is just a slightly more sinewy, world weary version of Uncle Rico.
90. San Jose State: Yellow and blue do not a Spartan make.
89. Memphis: Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes on a helmet.
88. Utah: The Utes have always looked like they were wearing those Thursday Night NFL Color Rush uniforms.
87. UConn: Looked sharp when Bob Diaco was donning their gear. Not so much now.
86. Va Tech: Meh.
85. Florida: Florida’s uniforms are a mix between the Firefox logo and the Wack-A-Croc game that sits next to the Skee-Ball machine.
84. Miami: Don’t love the color combo, but the iconic U logo is as sleek as a Sears Wish Book.
83. Missouri: One time, I saw a man in a Mizzou sweatshirt riding toward Logan on the Blue Line with a roller bag and a still-frozen loaf of Ezekiel Bread. This Tiger proceeded to chomp down six slices between Government Center and the Airport stop.
82. Oklahoma State: Pistol Pete puts ranch dressing on his pizza.
81. San Diego State: As a “Rocky” fan, I have been mad at the red and black attack since they moved out of Balboa Stadium. They treated Sylvester Stallone with great disrespect by abandoning his namesake’s stadium 11 years before he was born.
Phil’s Next 25
105. Alabama: All those national titles don’t make a boring color scheme more exciting.
104. Mississippi State: Darker maroon is better?
103. Central Michigan:
102. Minnesota: WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT MAROON AND YELLOW?!
101. Purdue: The black jerseys are pretty nice but gold helmets aren’t my thing.
100. Iowa State: Welcome to the red and yellow part of the rankings
99. USC: Thanks for coming.
98. Arkansas: Classic and fresh plus the Razorback is both a great nickname and a pretty good design on the helmet.
97. Akron: These are pretty strong overall. This is a team to watch.
96. Temple: Philadelphia’s colors are cherry and white. That’s controlling the message and avoiding the maroon trap.
94. UAB: Their logo is a DRAGON! Green and gold is a good combination as well.
93. South Alabama: Roll jaguars.
92. BYU: BYU’s usual navy blue and white duds are fine, but nothing special. However, the Cougars have experimented with more of a royal blue and even all black alternates in the past.
91. Illinois: I would prefer a better use of the color orange.
90. Eastern Michigan: The Oregon of the directional Michigans.
89. MTSU: Bright blue is striking and silver/gray are excellent compliments. I’m not just saying that because those were my high school colors.
88. Louisiana Tech: If you don’t look too closely, they could be SMU.
87. Appalachian State: Black on black with a little yellow mixed in. Wiz Khalifa would be proud.
86. Southern Miss: Ditto
85. Coastal Carolina: Black and gusher blue? I’ll take it.
84. Colorado: Pac-12 Purdue. I just like buffaloes more than boilermakers.
83. Baylor: Big fan of the matte green helmets.
82. Ole Miss: Red stripes on the shoulder pads give a distinct look. I also appreciate the heavier use of red, which jazzes up the plain navy helmets.
81. Kansas: Mixes red, blue and white with success. Well, not in the win column, but they at least look good. I am especially partial to the blue helmets and the all-red alternates.
That’s part two in the books. Tomorrow we’ll get to part three.