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It’s All-American team season. I pick my team every season. This season, my team is being rendered in poster form. I came up with an acronym to express my admiration for each of my selections.
Now, on with the Offense!
Quarterback: Drew Lock, Missouri
Does
Really
Excellent
Work
Like
Our Hero
Running Back: Benny Snell, Kentucky
Best
Ever
Non
Never
Eats
Lasagna
Leftovers
Running Back: AJ Dillon, Boston College
A
J
Dillon
Is
Living
Large
On
Wide Receiver: David Sills, West Virginia
Defenders
Are
Very
Intimidated by
David
Sills
In
Lubbock
Lawrence and
Stillwater
Wide Receiver: Penny Hart, Georgia State
Precisely
Everyone
Not
Named
Has
Astonishing
Respect for
This Guy
Tight End: Noah Fant, Iowa
Noah
Owns
Above Average
Hands
Also
Notes
This
Tackle: Dalton Risner, Kansas State
Does
America
Love
Tackles?
Oh
Not
Really.
It
Should
Nevertheless
Esteem
Risner
Tackle: Ben Powers, Oklahoma
Ben
Eats
Nachos
Pizzas and
Onion Rings
With
Every
Reverent
Sooner
Guard: Michael Deiter, Wisconsin
Must
I
Chide
Haughty
Amherst-educated
Easterners
Lacking
Deiter’s
Energetic
Interior
Trap Blocks,
Endzone dances and
Rapport with opponents?
Guard: Ross Pierschbacher, Alabama
Ranking
Of
Southern
Schools:
Pine Bluff
Indiana Wesleyan
East Carolina
Rice
South Carolina
Clemson
Hampton-Sydney
Birmingham
Auburn
Chattanooga
Hardin-Simmons
Electrology Institute of Paducah
Radford
Center: Jake Hanson, Oregon
Just
Ask
Kindergarteners:
Eating
Hostess
Always
Neutralizes
Salmonella’s
Onset
Nausea
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Now, Let’s Have a Look at the Defense
Defensive Tackle: Ed Oliver, Houston
Ed Oliver
Destroys
Offensive
Lines
Instantly,
Very
Efficiently and
Rapidly
Defensive Tackle: Jerry Tillery, Notre Dame
Jerry
Earnestly
Rote these
Renching lyrics for his
Yearbook quote:
Three Doors Down
Is
Letting me be myself so I can shine with my own
Light
Endquote
Really great
Yearbook quote IMHO
Defensive End: Zach Allen, Boston College
Zach
Ate
Hamburgers
At
Lunch
Last
Easter
Nonchalantly
Defensive End: Brian Burns, Florida State
Bob
Ross
Is
Against
Naming
Undersecretary of
Returning
New
Sneakers
Middle Linebacker: Devin White, LSU
Does
Everyone
View
Ineligible receiver downfield as
Nice?
When
Has
Ineligible receiver downfield
Taken
Everything?
Outside Linebacker: Sutton Smith, Northern Illinois
Southern Illinois
Understands
That
Tough guy
Outside linebackers
Named
Sutton Smith
Might
Incapacitate
Their
Halfbacks
Outside Linebacker: Montez Sweat, Mississippi State
Maury
Oz
Noory
Tosh
Ellen
Zach Galifianakis
Springer
Wayne Brady
Eve:
All
Talk Show Hosts
Cornerback: Julian Love, Notre Dame
Underrated
Informative
Nourishing
Over too soon
Earnest
Cornerback: Deandre Baker, Georgia
Do you want to do
Every
Activity
Nearly as good as
Deandre Baker?
Run everyday,
Eat your Wheaties,
Be on time for practice,
Act courteously,
Knuckle down on your studies,
Earn your degree and
Rest comfortably
Safety: Andrew Wingard, Wyoming
All
North
Dakotans
Revere
Every
Way
Wingard
Innovates
Nickel defense,
Goal line pass coverage,
Aromatics,
Rustic furniture and
Diesel Engines
Safety: Marvell Tell, USC
Most
Awesome
Radical
Vascular
Exciting
Luminous
Lucrative
Trojan who
Ever
Lived
Life
Special Teams time!
Kicker: Matt Gay, Utah
Matt
Attempts
To
Top
Greats like
Andersen and
Yepremian
Punter: Jake Bailey, Stanford
Journalists
All
Know
Every
Big
Athlete
In America
Loves
Extra
Yardage
For more of the same, follow me on Twitter: @ClaytonTrutor