Cincinnati has a history of handsomeness. Particularly when it comes to its head football coaches.
Let’s take a quick look back at the most attractive, statuesque and chiseled coaches in Bearcats history.
Click on the hyperlink for the handsomest possible picture of each coach.
5. Mark Dantonio (2004-2006; Zodiac sign: Pisces; Shoe Size: 10.5): It is no surprise that Sparty hired a headman as handsome as its vascular mascot. Long before he left for East Lansing, Mark Dantonio earned a reputation in Clifton as a head-turner extraordinaire. Dantonio has a pair of Sinatra blues, an anchor of a chin and a aquiline nose worthy of a Caesar.
4. Rick Minter (1994-2003; Zodiac sign: Libra; Favorite Monkee: Mike Nesmith): Rick Minter is a fine wine, one that has gained virility with age. About the time he took over as defensive coordinator at Georgia State, he grew a beard that would make Kenny Rogers blush. Rick Minter is built like a brick outhouse. He rips phonebooks in half and has a 26.2 bumper sticker on the back of his Mazda. He also wears a Beatle wig to Karaoke at the Elks Club.
3. Tony Mason (1967-1968; Zodiac sign: Libra; Peleton User Name: Shapoopsie1967): Resembled wrestling commentator and NFL Hall of Famer Art Donovan.
2. Tim Murphy (1989-1993; Zodiac sign: Libra; Biggest Pet Peeve: People who lick the salad dressing off their forks): Tim Murphy enters his 25th season as the Harvard football coach. Before turning heads in Cambridge, Tim Murphy was known in Cincinnati as “The Guy That Always Gets the Chili 5-Way and Resembles Robert Urich.”
1. Chuck Studley (1961-1966; Zodiac sign: Aquarius; Favorite Dance Move: The Sprinkler): Never has a man been so appropriately named. Chuck Studley had a luxuriant woodland of black hair and a Charlie Atlas physique. Studley carried himself with the swagger of Burt Lancaster and the ease of Hal Lindsay. Everybody who goes to GNC wants to become half the man that Chuck Studley was.
As always, this is a work of parody and not intended to be taken seriously. For more of the same, follow me on Twitter: @ClaytonTrutor