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Dulcet Tones: The Ten Most Beautiful Voices in AAC Men’s Basketball Coaching History

From the honeysuckle to the orotund, this conference has had some real Toastmasters.

COLLEGE BASKETBALL: JAN 31 Temple at Houston Photo by Ken Murray/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

The American Athletic Conference’s men’s basketball coaching fraternity has long had a murderer’s row of Toastmasters. Here are ten AAC coaches I believe to have the most beautiful voices in conference history.

10. Johnny Dawkins, UCF (2016-Present): Simultaneously adenoidal and disembodied, Johnny Dawkins sounds like the Wizard of Oz when he gets behind a microphone.

9. Kevin Ollie, UConn (2012-2018): Matter of fact. Stentorian.

8. Frank Haith, Tulsa (2014-Present): The dulcet tones of Frank Haith are an acquired taste. A bit on the throaty side, Haith has apparently never seen someone speak into a microphone on television. Or he is a Grade A germaphobe. This fella sits an arm’s length away from the mike at every post-game presser.

7. Tubby Smith, Memphis (2016-2018): Has developed this sotto voce approach to public speaking to compensate for years of coaching strain on his vocal chords.

6. Mick Cronin, Cincinnati (2006-2019): Not to be confused with Kevin Cronin, Reo Speedwagon’s taut-voiced frontman. Coach Cronin has the quintessential hoarse, citified tone of a 21st century college basketball coach. He is well suited to post-game press conferences. He gives adequate but never stunning answers to reporters’ questions.

5. Jeff Lebo, East Carolina (2010-2017): Not classically handsome, but boy-oh-boy does he have one whale of a voice. The orotund sounds that come out of his mouth are perfect for calling a high school assembly back to order. This man was born to be a Vice-Principal.

4. Tim Jankovich, SMU (2016-Present): The Mustangs’ head coach might be Cars lead singer Ric Ocasek. When asked a question, he often responds by saying “Life’s the same, I’m moving in stereo” in a tremulous monotone.

3. Kelvin Sampson, Houston (2014-Present): Speaks with a Taylor Dayne “Love Will Lead You Back” breathiness. One of the most seductive voices in the AAC.

2. Mike Dunleavy, Tulane (2016-2019): A man’s man, Mike Dunleavy communicates largely through song. His guttural and gruff register has caused Rammstein’s Till Lindemann to seek out a safe space on two non-consecutive occasions.

1. Fran Dunphy, Temple (2006-2019): “eyes goanup del-uh-weer ahyv wit jawn looking ferde roah hoahme offus ant in Fishtown on YeasBerks. Her spiggit broahk and deres wooder alls oahver daflower. She’s hungry too so we sayster jeet? We sayster less get a hoahgie downitde Wawa on Aramingoah, throw back a few yingees, engo downyshore err uptapoahcanoahs.” – Fran Dunphy, March 1, 2017, when asked about the Owls’ chances in the AAC Tournament.

As always, this is a work of parody and not intended to be taken seriously. For more of the same, follow me on Twitter: @ClaytonTrutor