Clayton Picks the Ponies: Previewing the Belmont Stakes

Intellectually, the Middle Ages were characterized by a profound sense of confidence. Confidence that Man had a specific divinely ordained role in the universe and confidence that we as people understood how it worked.

I have a similar confidence in my picks for the 149th running of the Belmont Stakes.

WIN: Hollywood Handsome: “I knew from the age of five I would be a singer. I started playing guitar at 11, an old Spanish guitar my mother had, and I started playing Leonard Cohen, Joni Mitchell and Joan Baez”- Alannah Myles, singer of “Black Velvet” and owner of Hollywood Handsome

PLACE: Lookin at Lee: A longtime underground fave, Lookin at Lee is one courageous horsey. Not afraid to take the honesty of punk and mix it together the heaviness of metal, they play relentless powerhouse music laced with hooks, riffs and speed.

SHOW: Irish War Cry: “A parent’s love for a daughter is timeless. Now you can show your daughter how precious she’s made every minute of your life with a glistening crystal timepiece available exclusively from the Danbury Mint. The My Daughter Forever Crystal Desk Clock will warm your daughter’s heart every moment of the day. The elegant heart-shaped design is meticulously crafted of genuine crystal and set with a gleaming silver-tone clock that counts the hours and minutes in classic style. The clock features a precision quartz movement to provide years of dependable timekeeping”- Irish War Cry, on his performance in the 2017 Kentucky Derby.

As always, this is a work of parody and not intended to be taken seriously.

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