Give me ten minutes of your time.
I, the Miss Cleo of College Football, have looked up into the heavens and discerned what will happen in the Big 12 and the Big Ten this season.
1. West Virginia: Without a clear powerhouse in the Big 12 this season, West Virginia will take advantage of this situation, doing what they do. They will score a million points and give up a million points too and this will be enough to win the Big 12.
2. Oklahoma: A quarterback short of another playoff run.
3. Oklahoma State: Will find a way to win 10 games. And Mike Gundy will look good doing it.
4. Texas: Tom Herman is undefeated in the off-season. This year, they will be a pretty solid team in the regular season too.
5. Kansas State: Children by the millions love Alex Delton.
6. Texas Tech: Alls the Raiders need to do to win 7 games is to throw their 8 foot tall wide receiver T.J. Vasher 8 or 9 jump balls each game. He is going to come up with most of them and that will net Kliff Kingsbury enough wins to keep his job.
7. Kansas: David Beaty has been doing himself some recruiting in Lawrence. Pooka Williams will make an immediate impact in the Jayhawk backfield along with returning tailback Khalil Herbert. Kansas has a fine pair of wide receivers in Steven Sims, Jr. and Jeremiah Booker. On the defensive side of the ball, Kansas’ all-world linebacker Joe Dineen, Jr. will make about 487,000 tackles this year. This team has finally turned the corner and will be playing in December. Write this down: Kansas is going bowling in 2018!
8. Baylor: Matt Rhule has things headed in the right direction for the Bears. Charlie Brewer is a talented, young quarterback and they have a lot of emerging perimeter talent. Unfortunately, the Baylor defense is not quite ready for primetime in the pass happy Big 12.
9. TCU: Week 2. Place your bets. Ben Hicks and SMU are going to beat the Horned Frogs in a shootout. And it will all be downhill from there for TCU, who faces Ohio State the very next week and then heads into their Big 12 slate.
10. Iowa State: “More and more restaurants are making food from scratch and pushing culinary boundaries by trying different types of cuisine and cooking techniques.”- a description of the Ames culinary scene I found in the 2018 Ames Visitor Guide.
Championship Game: Wisconsin 31 Michigan State 20
1. Michigan State: Look at the schedule. If they can find a way to win at Penn State, the rest of the slate lines up real nice for Sparty.
2. Penn State: Trace McSorley enters his 11th season as Penn State’s starter and he is going to make it a good one.
3. Ohio State: Plenty of talent. Might be a little distracted this season.
4. Maryland: Terps been crootin like nobody’s business. Bound to pay off at some point.
5. Indiana: “Bloomington is as known for its craft breweries as it is for its basketball tradition”- a dubious claim I found in the 2018 Guide to Greater Bloomington.
6. Rutgers: Grad transfer Jon Hillman is going to rack up 1,000 yards in the Scarlet Knights backfield and be the surprise player in the Big 10. Nevertheless, the State University of New Jersey is headed for another 4-8 campaign.
7. Fort Wayne School of Cosmetology
8. Michigan: Jim Harbaugh has finally reached the Tyson Zone.
1. Wisconsin: The Badgers would have the best offensive line in several NFL divisions. Jonathan Taylor is a sledgehammer of a running back. Their secondary is a little young but the rest of this team is ready to pummel its way to a Big 10 title.
2. Iowa: A junior varsity version of Wisconsin, which is still pretty darn good.
3. Purdue: There are some holes on defense, but this is an experienced club on offense with legitimate big play capacity.
4. Nebraska: Oh, for the days of Frank Solich.
6. Northwestern: is responsible for Darren Rovell.
7. Illinois: Lovie Smith’s new beard is fabulous.
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