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Clayton Picks All the Games Correctly: Bowl Game Edition (Part III)

Dabo Swinney, the Ice Road Truckers and a hot tub full of alka seltzer.

NCAA Football: ACC Championship-Clemson vs Virginia Tech Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

Thank you all for your patronage this year. I have enjoyed my second season of writing the prognostication column here at Down the Drive. Be on the lookout for some “Best of” columns after the January 9 Championship Game.

Last Week: 14-4

Season to Date: 143-97

Orange Bowl: No. 6 Michigan (10-2) vs. No. 11 Florida State (9-3)

I see that TNT is planning to show Shawshank Redemption opposite this game. It always draws a good number. Interestingly, that film was not a hit when it appeared in theaters in late 1994. Cable television is largely responsible for Shawshank’s emergence as a modern classic. TNT, in particular, gave new life to Shawshank, which appealed greatly to its core audience of older men, a demographic that rarely attends movies. Continuous showings of Shawshank in the late 1990s and early 2000s turned it into one of the most beloved films of its era.

Final Score: Michigan 35 Florida State 24

Citrus Bowl: LSU (7-4) vs. No. 13 Louisville (9-3)

The Grateful Dead are to the 1960s what a 50’s Diner is to the 50’s. A simulacrum. A simulacrum.

Final Score: Louisville 35 LSU 28

Taxslayer Bowl: Georgia Tech (8-4) vs. Kentucky (7-5)

La nouvelle histoire, particularly the work of the scholars associated with Annales d’histoire économique et sociale, produced a “remarkable amount of the most innovative, the most memorable, and the most significant historical writing of the twentieth century,” Peter Burke asserts in the introduction to his historical survey of the Annales school, The French Historical Revolution. Burke traces the intellectual origins of Lucien Febvre and Marc Bloch, the two historians that founded Annales d’histoire économique et sociale in 1929, before describing and analyzing the evolution of the school over its first six decades of existence. Burke divides the history of the Annales school into three generations: Bloch and Febvre’s founding generation, the post-war historians led by Fernand Braudel, and the polycentric movement that emerged after the student uprisings of 1968. A concise intellectual history of the movement, The French Historical Revolution succeeds in both placing the Annales school in context and explaining some of the ideas that shape contemporary historical writing.

Final Score: Georgia Tech 44 Kentucky 28

Peach Bowl (CFP Semifinal): No. 4 Washington (12-1) vs. No. 1 Alabama (13-0):

“The implications of the biomedical technology revolution may prove the greatest challenge the Western, humanistic notion of human rights has ever faced. Francis Fukuyama’s thoughtful examination of this situation, Our Post-Human Future, provides succinct responses to the challenges of our contemporary scientific revolution.”- Big Al, the Alabama Elephant.

Final Score: Alabama 28 Washington 17

Fiesta Bowl (CFP Semifinal): No. 3 Ohio State (11-1) vs. No. 2 Clemson (12-1)

According to Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel, history is a “spectacle of passions” and a “panorama of sin & suffering.” According to Dabo Swinney, history is channel 71 and he hasn’t watched it since they cancelled Ice Road Truckers.

Final Score: Clemson 31 Ohio State 27

Outback Bowl: No. 17 Florida (8-4) vs. Iowa (8-4)

Iowa City is being considered for next year’s version of MTV’s The Real World. Gainesville is not.

Final Score: Iowa 20 Florida 17

Cotton Bowl: No. 15 Western Michigan (13-0) vs. No. 8 Wisconsin (10-3)

Former Reds reliever John Franco is a big fan of Dragnet. So is Bucky Badger. John Franco was born in Brooklyn. Bucky resides in Madison but was born in Appleton. While pitching for the Mets, Franco would leave tickets for members of the Bonnano crime family. Bucky is not associated with any of the families. Bucky’s good friend Goldie Gopher is a made lady though. She also has good manners. She doesn’t play favorites. She leaves tickets for all five families at her games.

Final Score: Wisconsin 10 Western Michigan 7

Rose Bowl: No. 9 USC (9-3) vs. No. 5 Penn State (11-2)

Former USC quarterback and Fox Sports analyst Matt Leinart always comes off like a 10th grader who is unprepared for his class presentation.

Final Score: USC 28 Penn State 10

Sugar Bowl: No. 14 Auburn (8-4) vs. No. 8 Oklahoma (10-2)

I think Auburn is going to win.

Final Score: Auburn 31 Oklahoma 27

As always, this is a work of parody and not intended to be taken seriously. For more of the same, look me up on twitter: @ClaytonTrutor