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I called it on last week's Bearcats Breakdown Show.
If we lost to BYU on Friday night, we would not lose again this year. I, the Miss Cleo of College Football, would like to announce that Cincinnati is not going to lose another game this year. Our fellas will be focused on their remaining AAC slate and they will win out. The stars tell me that the fortunes of our divisional rivals will fade as the season comes to an end.
UC will win the AAC Championship Game on the road in beautiful Annapolis, Maryland on Saturday December 5th. I will gladly accept the Gatorade bath and the ride around the field on Marquise Copeland and Parker Ehringer's shoulders I have coming to me that early winter afternoon.
We will finish the season 11-3 and as the Blockbuster Bowl champions.
Follow me on twitter @ClaytonTrutor for the correct picks to every important college game and for incisive commentary on all other aspects of the human experience.
Last week: 11-5
Season to Date: 67-40
Our Game
- UConn (3-4) at Cincinnati (3-3): What was the UC athletic department thinking? Scheduling UConn as the homecoming game. UConn's tall, dark, and handsome head coach Bob Diaco is going to win homecoming king and then immediately commence with off-season hot tub auditions. Thankfully, the halftime crowning of Homecoming King and Queen will distract the UConn head coach from making any halftime adjustments.
Final Score: Cincinnati 35, UConn 24
The Rest of the AAC
- #22 Temple (6-0) at East Carolina (4-3): Sucking on a chili dog outside the Tastee Freez, I decided to fire up my favorite non-Bearcats podcast: The Art of Wrestling with Colt Cabana. I hadn't ever listened to the one he did with Bruno Sammartino. What a gem. As well as being a top-notch competitor in the squared circle, Cabana is incredibly knowledgeable about the history of the sport and is an excellent interviewer. I can't think of another interviewer as well suited to guide the legendary Sammartino through an extended retelling of his six-decades in professional wrestling.
Final Score: Temple 40, East Carolina 5
- #18 Memphis (6-0) at Tulsa (3-3): I can never keep Tulsa and Tulane straight. Which one is in the city that hasn't produced any famous people and which one is in Tulsa, Oklahoma? Tulsa, as I learned from The Outsiders, is the hometown to many famous actors and actresses: Ralph Macchio, Emilio Estevez, Tom Cruise, Patrick Swayze, Diane Lane, C. Thomas Howell, Rob Lowe, Matt Dillon, Leif Garrett, and Tom Waits. Strangely, most of the famous people in town seem to be "Greasers" and not "Socs."
Final Score: Tulsa 38, Memphis 35 (UPSET OF THE WEEK PART I)
- Tulane (2-4) at Navy (4-1): When I was loitering at the closest Christmas Tree Shop the other day, I heard an elderly couple in the small appliance section debating whether or not to buy a coffee maker. At some point during the conversation, which I believe revolved around their granddaughter, the elderly woman said "Tom, she's not allowed at Home Goods anymore." One can only imagine the kind of meltdown that would lead to a lifetime ban at the bedding, furniture, and house-wares giant.
Final Score: Navy 35, Tulane 17
- #21 Houston (6-0) at UCF (0-7): Big fan of Phi Slamma Jamma. I am offering a $20 reward for information on the whereabouts of Benny Anders.
Final Score: Houston 41, UCF 34
SMU (1-5) at USF (3-3): SMU's Daniel Craig-esque head coach Chad Morris is slightly handsomer than USF coach Willie "The Million Dollar Smile" Taggart, but only slightly. That's why I anticipate this being such a close game.
Final Score: SMU 45, USF 41
The Rest of the Country
- #6 Clemson (6-0) at Miami (4-2): A couple of weeks ago, I put together a list of the leading men who would be best suited to play every Hurricanes starting quarterback since Howard Schnellenberger took over the program in 1979. (Thanks to the folks at State of the U for running that column as well). In my quest to bring more pageviews to our esteemed little website, I decided to compile a list of the actors best suited to play every Miami head coach since Nick Saban's uncle ran the program during the Carter Administration.
Without further delay, my list of the correct actor to play every University of Miami head coach since Lou Saban: (Coach/Actor)
Lou Saban: Jack Klugman. Simultaneously suave and frumpy, Jack Klugman captures the aesthetic that Lou "Leisure Suit" Saban embodied during his two seasons in Coral Gables.
Howard Schnellenberger: Jack Warden. Howard Schnellenberger took time out during his tenure at Louisville to serve as the stunt double to Jack Warden in the art house classic Problem Child, where the Academy Award nominated actor played Jack Trapper's well-heeled yet boorish father.
Jimmy Johnson: Richard Crenna. Jimmy Johnson is just the kind of tough-as-nails, pre-Beatle Mania Southern Beau Brummel greaser-fop for whom the "countrypolitan" sounds of Chet Atkins were designed. The actor who best exemplifies this Mid-South/East Texas ethos is Richard Crenna, who played "Luke McCoy" on The Real McCoys. Like Jimmy Johnson, Crenna grew up into a lone wolf who seemed simultaneously traditional and ostentatious, or least his characters did. Turn on cable television any weeknight and you will almost certainly see Crenna in this guise, playing Colonel Trautman in the Rambo films.
Dennis Erickson: Chelcie Ross. Dennis Erickson walks, talks, and acts just like the junkball pitcher in Major League. Moreover, Dennis Erickson and Chelcie Ross both delivered their best performances in 1989 with Erickson winning the national title and Ross leading the Cleveland Indians to the Pennant.
Butch Davis: Walter Brennan. The first time I saw Butch Davis interviewed, I assumed he was doing an impression of Nadine Groot, Brennan's character in Red River. Much like the versatile Brennan, who plays John Wayne's sidekick in Red River, Davis is the kind of guy you want on your side in a tough situation.
Larry Coker: R. Lee Ermey. Larry Coker is like Gunnery Sergeant Hartman on barbiturates. Which is basically Alan Arkin in Little Miss Sunshine. On second thoughts, maybe Alan Arkin would be better as Larry Coker. There is more than a passing resemblance between them. Either way, Larry Coker seems like the perfect juxtaposition of George Seifert-steady and Dick MacPherson-pugnacious. Larry Coker is probably the greatest football coach of all time who never gets called the greatest football coach of all time.
Randy Shannon: Blair Underwood. Randy Shannon's tenure as Miami's coach roughly corresponded to Blair Underwood's tenure on the New Adventures of Old Christine. Both received mixed reviews for their performances.
Jeff Stoutland: Randy Quaid. Coach-for-a-bowl-game Jeff Stoutland bears a strong resemblance to Cousin Eddie from the Vacation movies. Currently the Philadelphia Eagles' offensive line coach, Stoutland's career choices in recent years have been better than Quaid's.
Al Golden: Taylor Kitsch. Al Golden and Tim Riggins. Similarly handsome. Similarly, they seemed pegged for greatness a few short years ago. Al Golden had his critically acclaimed run at Temple. Taylor "Texas Forever" Kitsch had his critically acclaimed run on Friday Night Lights. The University of Miami has been to Al Golden as John Carterwas to Taylor Kitsch. Hopefully, Al Golden has a revival similar to the one that Tim Riggins has enjoyed on True Detective.
Final Score: Miami 31, Clemson 24 (UPSET OF THE WEEK PART II)
- #15 Texas A&M (5-1) at #24 Ole Miss (5-2): I called my brother about this game and he just gave me a 45 minute lecture about The Battle of Makin Atoll. He learned about it from Call of Duty. He told me that the Japanese Army was going to win the battle until Keifer Sutherland and the cast from 24 showed up and did a reenactment of that I'm From Barcelona video where they are sitting for a class picture.
Final Score: Ole Miss 30, Texas A&M 24
- #3 Utah (6-0) at USC (3-3): USC sure looked good in the first half against Notre Dame. I think they are going to rally around Clay Helton and win out. Helton looks a lot better wearing a hat. When he takes his hat off, he looks like the gym teacher on Growing Pains. If he wears a hat at every game, USC will win out.
Final Score: USC 27, Utah 20
- Indiana (4-3) at #7 Michigan State (7-0): Syrup < Jelly. Ace Hardware < Grossman's. The Other 4 Boroughs < Staten Island. Australia < Canada. Lord of the Rings < Weekend at Bernie's II. Ultraviolence < Honeymoon. Peanut Butter < Peanut Brittle. Back to the Future < Washing the Dishes. East Lansing < Bloomington.
Final Score: Indiana 22, Michigan 21