When I was walking to work this morning, I saw a wholesale meat delivery truck park in front of a small neighborhood market. The piano coda at the end of “Layla” was playing on their radio. I was half expecting the driver to get out and open up the cooler to reveal the bodies of two wiseguys frozen stiff and hanging among sides of beef.
Last Week: 9-7
Season to Date: 63-49
East Carolina (2-4) at Cincinnati (3-3): Show me that smile again, Cincinnati. Don’t waste another minute on your crying, Cincinnati. We’re nowhere near the end, Cincinnati. We’ve got six games left, Cincinnati. The best is ready to begin, Cincinnati. As long as we’ve got each other, Cincinnati. We got the world spinning right in our hands, Cincinnati. Rain or shine. We’ve got each other sharing the laughter and love.
Final Score: Cincinnati 38 East Carolina 10
The Rest of the AAC
UCF (3-3) at UConn (3-4): Emmett Otter’s jug band is my favorite jug band. My favorite song about jug bands is the Lovin Spoonful’s “Jug Band Music.” This will be a great game, but it won’t be as great as the jug band music that Emmett Otter and the Lovin Spoonful put together.
Final Score: UConn 7 UCF 3
Memphis (5-1) at #24 Navy (4-1): The Christmas season is fast approaching. As you begin to think about your charitable donations, I hope you consider sending some of your hard earned dollars to the good folks at the Streetdog Foundation (SDF). SDF is a Memphis, Tennessee based charity that has cared for, rehabilitated, and found homes for hundreds of abandoned dogs from across the Mid-South. If you live in the Mid-South, I hope you consider providing one of their fine dogs with a foster home or a permanent home. Here is a link to their website and to their twitter account.
Final Score: Memphis 45 Navy 28
Tulane (3-3) at Tulsa (4-2): I like Tulane. I hope they win. What the heck, I am going to pick them to win.
Final Score: Tulane 24 Tulsa 14
No. 11 Houston (6-1) at SMU (2-4): SMU is going to go 7-5.
Final Score: Houston 49 SMU 30
USF (6-1) at Temple (4-3): The people living on the 1700 block of North Broad Street in Philly could beat up every single person in Tampa by themselves.
Final Score: Temple 45 USF 38
The Rest of the Country
Oklahoma State (4-2) at Kansas (1-5): If I had to make a Mount Rushmore of my favorite Oklahoma State Cowboys, it would include Jason Gildon, Leslie O’Neal, Thurman Thomas, and Barry Sanders. And after I made it, I would pat it and shape it and mark it with a ‘B’. And then, I would put it in the oven for baby and me.
Final Score: Oklahoma State 56 Kansas 0
No. 6 Texas A&M (6-0) at No. 1 Alabama (7-0): Man oh Man does Kevin Sumlin get the worst motion sickness when he drives his 1997 Chevy Blazer. Here are Miss Cleo’s top five home remedies for motion sickness: 1) travel at night 2) change your toothbrush 3) eat at Applebee’s 4) don’t read when your ride 5) put mayonnaise in your hair for 20 minutes and then rinse it out
Final Score: Alabama 35 Texas A&M 31
No. 17 Arkansas (5-2) at No. 21 Auburn (4-2): I like to feel fancy free, I like to live young. I like the ol’ merry go round. It all depends on the mood I’m in. Here are Miss Cleo’s remedies for a bad mood: 1) join a barber shop quartet 2) change your toothbrush 3) travel at night 4) pop those blisters 5) empty beer bottles attract slugs.
Final Score: Arkansas 38 Auburn 24
As always, this is a work of parody and not intended to be taken seriously. For more of the same, look me up on twitter: @ClaytonTrutor