When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful.
It was and it always will be. Because we will always have Bill Walton, in real or pretend form.
You must go to reddit and follow Fake Bill Walton immediately: u/BillWaltonPosts
And after you do that, you should sit down and read about Bill Walton’s thoughts on LeBron, his worst ever rash, and his thoughts on the early days of MTV.
Clayton Trutor (CT): Do you have a landing strip?
Bill Walton Posts (BWP): Clayton, I do not own a plane. I own a bike. You should already know this. Do you even listen? Don’t start being like Dave. Dave never listens. He just rambles on. He probably doesn’t know I have a bike either.
CT: Michael Jordan or Michael B. Jordan?
BWP: I love Michael Jordan. One of the most thrilling players I’ve ever seen play. Did you know he’s got clothing named after him? It takes a special person to get clothing named after them. What a player.
CT: Describe the worst rash you’ve ever had.
BWP: Bill Laimbeer.
CT: Have you ever seen MTV?
BWP: Who is MTV? I don’t know what you’re talking about Clayton. Do you know who I know? Linda Ronstadt. Have you ever laid down in the Mojave with the sound of Blue Bayou emanating from your being? Have you tickled the dunes with your toes as that angelic voice sweeps over and through you? That’s something you must do at least once in your life. CONFERENCE OF CHAMPIONS.
CT: Did you know that your NBA career consisted of a mere 468 games? Did you know that LeBron played in more NBA games than you did by the time he was 22?
BWP: Did Dave put you up to that question? He’s always trying to downplay my achievements in life. He means well even if he likes coal. And LeBron, what a player. What a man. That’s the type of athlete any young woman or man should aspire to be like. A true gemstone of a man.
CT: Why did you give Mickey Hart a Celtics jacket?
BWP: Why haven’t you given Mickey one of your Celtics jackets? This question demands serious introspection on your end Clayton. I don’t think you’ve fully comprehended what an honor it is to have your name represented by someone like Mickey Hart.
CT: Describe the least romantic game of your NBA career.
BWP: It was the last day of Janaury, 1984. I was playing for San Diego and we were in New Jersey. Bitterly cold. The type of cold that takes joy and punts it to the Oort Cloud. There is no joy in cold weather. It saps you of your sense of wonder and fun. We lost but Norm was great. It was just so cold. Never live in a cold place, Clayton. It will drown you in time and hurt you.
CT: Would you consider Luke Walton handsome?
BWP; Now why would you be asking me a question like that about my son. My son is a talented young coach who has his sites set on a long career in the National Basketball Association. I think he looks like his father and his father is the most handsome man west of the Rockies no matter what Dave tries to tell you.
CT: Who is your favorite character in ET?
BWP: I love Earl Tatum. That was a man’s man. A true champion in his everyday life. Do you who Al McGuire is, Clayton? One of the great coaches of any generation. He coached Earl and built him into the player he became. Earl Tatum! I hope he is doing well in his life these days. Days can be hard, but Earl Tatum was great. PEANUT BUTTER FOR ALL.
CT: What is your proudest achievement?
BWP: My bike! I love my bike Clayton. I love how much I ride my bike. I love how it keeps me on the road moving forward every day.
Head on over to Reddit right now and check out u/BillWaltonPosts for more from the mind of the fake Bill Walton.