Clayton Picks All the Games Correctly: Week 10: The Greyhound Bus Edition

Not bad on that Oklahoma State pick, eh? Within my column this week, I have a few things to say about my favorite mode of transportation: the Greyhound Bus. For those ECU Pirates fans out there, I’ve even planned your Greyhound road trip to Tulsa for this weekend’s game.

You wait and see. The Bearcats are going to turn the beat around this week because, like me and like Vicki Sue Robinson, they love to hear percussion.

Last Week: 10-6

Season to Date: 86-58

Our Game

BYU (4-4) at Cincinnati (4-4): BYU may be the home of America’s finest hip-hop dancers, but the University of Cincinnati is the alma mater of Tennessee Ernie Ford. That is a man with some gravitas. That kind of gravitas means that Cincinnati will win and win big.

Final Score: Cincinnati 49 BYU 10

The Rest of the AAC

Memphis (5-3) at SMU (4-4): Did you know that Dallas is where the Greyhound Bus Company has its headquarters? Right downtown at Patriot Tower, which you can see in the opening credits to Dallas. I assure you that the best Greyhound Bus service in the country can be found in beautiful Dallas. The Greyhound terminal in Dallas is top notch. It offers a low-cost, high quality hot breakfast, lunch and supper for weary travelers. The vending machines are pretty good too: two different snack machines, a Coke machine and one that has juices. Moreover, it has eight pay phones and it was recently repainted. The Dallas Greyhound Terminal, located on the corner of Commerce and South Lamar Street, has an art deco façade for you aesthetes out there. The blue, florescent Greyhound sign is beautiful when it’s lit up at night. For you history buffs, the terminal is not far from Dealey Plaza.

Final Score: SMU 45 Memphis 43

Tulane (3-5) at UCF (4-4): Tulane is going to score a big upset win in this one. Dontrell Hilliard and Josh Rounds are going to look like Mercury Morris and Larry Csonka against the UCF defense. I predict at least 300 total rushing yards for the Green Wave.

Final Score: Tulane 38 UCF 31

East Carolina (3-5) at Tulsa (6-2): If you are an East Carolina football fan picking up the Greyhound Bus in Greenville, North Carolina, you can be in Tulsa to cheer on your Pirates for a mere $81.00, if you buy the advanced ticket. You will be leaving Greenville at 11:30 PM on Wednesday night and arriving in Tulsa 38 hours and three transfers later. You will be transferring in Raleigh, Atlanta and Dallas. You will get to see Vicksburg, Mississippi; Tuscaloosa, Alabama and your fellow Greenville (the one in South Carolina) along the way, but not in that order. On the first leg, you get a dinner stop in Anderson, South Carolina. On the second leg, you stop for dinner at a gas station near Angola State Prison in Louisiana. Before you start the third leg, there is a five hour layover in Dallas. Go Pirates and go Greyhound!

Final Score: Tulsa 27 East Carolina 20

No. 23 Navy (5-2) at Notre Dame (3-5): Notre Dame will not lose again in 2016. That will include its eighth win, which will take place at the Pinstripe Bowl against the University of Minnesota.

Final Score: Notre Dame 34 Navy 27

Temple (6-3) at UConn (3-6): Phil Collins was one of MTV’s biggest stars during the 1980s. His videos, both as a solo artist and as the later-day frontman of Genesis, ran in heavy rotation throughout the decade, back when MTV played music videos almost 24 hours a day. His stardom on VH1, MTV’s then adult-contemporary oriented sister station, remained well in tact through the mid-1990s. Video stardom aided and abetted Collins’ chart success throughout the 1980s and early 1990s. Collins scored more than 20 top 10 hits in that time period, if you combine his solo output with his work with Genesis. He earned seven Grammys, including Album of the Year in 1985 for No Jacket Required and Record of the Year for “Another Day in Paradise,” his ode to the plight of homelessness. Not a bad résumé for a guy who spent the first decade of his career as second banana in a second-rate British art rock group.

None of this made any sense. Phil Collins should not have been a pop star in the image driven, youth worshipping video age. He’s a short, pudgy, perennially balding man with a misshapen head and a nasal voice. His videographers never did him any favors either. Virtually every Phil Collins video features close-ups of him doing his best to sing with feeling. Phil proved to us that he was feeling it by closing his eyes ever so delicately and bobbing his head back and forth like a candy apple. It reminds me of the face that Sweetchuck made in Police Academy 3 when Zed tried to ravish him with his bongo playing.

Final Score: UConn 24 Temple 7 UPSET OF THE WEEK

The Rest of the Country

No. 22 Oklahoma State at Kansas State (5-3): Last week, I talked up Pete Incaviglia as the fifth Oklahoma State Cowboy who deserves to be on the Mt. Rushmore of Oklahoma State Cowboys. I think Oklahoma State wrestler Mike Sheets (1981-1984) deserves to be the sixth guy on my OSU Cowboys Mount Rushmore. This fella from Tahlequah, Oklahoma was a four time NCAA All-American. He was the 1983-1984 Big Eight Athlete of the Year. He went undefeated in his last two seasons of competition. In 1984, he got knocked unconscious in an NCAA tournament match. Sheets shook it off and came back to beat that jabroni six ways to Sunday.

Final Score: Oklahoma State 44 Kansas State 24

No. 1 Alabama (8-0) at #15 LSU (5-2): Baton Rouge is a pretty wild place on a Saturday night, but this Saturday night it won’t be too wild for Nick Saban and company. Bama is going to ground and pound LSU into submission with equal doses of Damien Harris, Joshua Jacobs and Bo Scarborough.

Final Score: Alabama 28 LSU 7

As always, this is a work of parody and not intended to be taken seriously. For more of the same, look me up on twitter: @ClaytonTrutor